1/12/2010

Oh joy - summer has arrived (although to an un-summery start with rain!)

The last month of the year has finally arrived also!

Well, yesterday I had my first shift at work. It was okay, could've been better. I like working and having my time occupied - I detest having to be idle. I probably came off a bit of a ditz or annoying to the store manager because I forgot some things she had told me relating to the job and I always asked her what I had to do next once I finished my task (like I said - I hate having nothing to do. I believe one should work hard at the job because we're not being paid to be idle =3=)...

I have a feeling she doesn't really like me since she always gives me a 'wtf' or 'lowest scum on earth'-esque stares (the other worker was nice and tried her best to help me, though I had a feeling she got annoyed at me pestering her and asking what to do next). Not my problem.

The attitude of this store manager makes me miss my old part time job since everyone there were really nice to me (even if I was made to work harder than them and do the 'dirty work' ie. cleaning, but hey I can't complain, oddly enough, I like cleaning and keeping occupied). Maybe it's because my current store manager at my xmas casual gig is female and also younger (early or mid-twenties?). I guess bitchiness really does sort appear more imminently in women heh. On the other hand, my managers at the old part time job were male, older and had children, and were Asian which sorta gave off a more "paternal" feeling - the workplace itself was nice since it felt more like a huge family.

Oh - and I didn't end up going to that General Pants interview. Oh well.

Though, after much reflection these past few days, I've realised that I would like a job that did not require so much human interaction (with customers). I don't think I'm particularly bad with people though. I think I'm a rather nice and polite person (or at least, I try to be), but I don't know if others perceive me that way.

I just don't have that "spark" that other people have when talking to customers, able to easily connect to them (and their often young children!) and create conversation like they're friends. I know I'm not awfully sociable - maybe it's because of my personality or the fact that I don't have too many close friends, but that does not mean I am not a social person at all. I just like being with people who I am comfortable and myself with - my close friends. I am not going to act too friendly with a customer I do not know. I will simply try to treat them as a customer by greeting them, treating them politely (rude sales people create contempt!), and assist them in their shopping experience when needed. That is what I feel my job is. I know many people will not agree with that, but that is just purely what I feel.

I don't think I'd mind a desk or office job now that I think about, even though it would be quite dull and boring. At least I'd have a computer in front of me and plenty of work to occupy my time. I need orders - a list of things I must complete. I would be awfully lost if I was just left at the job with no instructions.

The thought of becoming a language teacher also occurred to me yesterday while I tried to go to sleep yesterday night. Interacting with those younger than oneself and teaching them does not sound as daunting. I have respect for good teachers and I think students, no matter how nasty some can be, need access to such and good role models to be influence by. I'm still not sure whether or not I should consider it seriously though - but what other jobs can I really get out of the degree I am studying. I would love to go overseas and teach English since that just requires a Bachelors degree but my mum would have none of that (even though I am legally an adult)! I am majoring in languages and I'm pathetic at seriously studying. I have no ambition to be a translator or interpreter. I can blame my environment (family/house) and I do, but I know that the root of it all is my lack of motivation, determination, laziness and... just myself.

I hate not knowing what to do with my life. Sometimes I wish I had done mathematics in High School and chose to do Engineering in University. Hah, perhaps I can even do Graduate Medicine - but then again, there is no motivation. I do however, believe I'm smart enough - especially with enough study and a goal to look forward to. I also kind of not want to do Journalism anymore after the epiphany of my (lack of) relation to other human beings and shyness - I'm just not cut out of Journalism now that I think about it. I think what I need to focus on at the moment is finding something I adore doing, things I love, consider all the options I have and then set a goal.

Well... That was a deeper than usual post... I guess I've been pretty dispirited lately (for many other reasons that I don't have the heart to post here - many that will probably be perceived as stupid or selfish or both, but hey, it's not like anyone reads this thing anyway!).

Okay - now lets get it together and do something productive during the holidays!